Lost

“To him who knows what to do but does not do it, it is sin.” James 4:17

Do you ever just feel lost?

Like your life lacks meaning and purpose?

Like you feel like nothing matters?

That’s where I’ve been for a while now. Certainly, for well over a year.

Between job changes and a move, family situations and starting school again. I’ve just really been overwhelmed. And exhausted. And confused. And at times, heartbroken.

Regardless of how you might have gotten to this point, my guess is that you feel the same, as well as some other emotions I missed here.

So, what do we do with all of this? How do we cope with the everyday strains of living, much less the other things we take on? Not to mention the things that affect us that we have no control over. There are so many events that can cause us to lose our way.  So how do we get back on track?

The first verse that came to mind in my struggles is Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

This one is always one of my go-to verses when I’ve gone through job changes and worry about being able to pay my bills. In the last seven years, I’ve been through A LOT of job changes and anxiety about paying my bills. And He has NEVER let me down. There have been times when He waited until I was down to the last few dollars in my savings account, but He has been faithful through it all. He has kept His promise in Psalm 37:25, “…I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread.” His faithfulness in this aspect alone is enough to write about.

Now, I’m not in a position (yet) where I am worried about paying my bills, but this verse has been in my mind quite a bit with my lack of direction and focus.. If He wants us to seek His kingdom first, promising to fulfill our physical needs, does it also stand to reason that He wants us to seek Him first in our spiritual and emotional needs? That makes sense to me. However, I didn’t actually follow this direction when He convicted me of this. So, He pushed me a bit further.

James 4:17 was the next one, “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” This one was more convicting. I had been convicted to seek Him first, but did not do it diligently. Now, because I knew what I should be doing and didn’t do it, I have been in direct disobedience. And He has made that abundantly clear.

Honestly, I’m rather disappointed in myself. I used to be good about taking time out of my day to spend with God. It used to be a priority. But somewhere along the way, my priorities seemed to shift. I was busy – searching for work (every several months), a stressful divorce, family relationships, a move (or two or three), a new marriage, step children, etc. I made the mistake of putting all these things above my relationship with my Savior. Unlike Mary in Luke 10:42, I did not choose the one thing that was needed (spending time with Him). So maybe He has been trying to get my attention back to Him.

Now, I’m trying to make a more conscientious effort to give Him first priority in my life again. Here are just a few ways I’m working to that end.

• My husband and I are making an effort to read the Bible together regularly. We don’t always do it every day, but at least several times a week. In the last few months, we have made it through most of the New Testament, and we are currently reading the book of James.
• We are trying to conscientiously pray together, making focused prayer more of a habit.
• Daily devotion needs to be more of a habit. I subscribe to a daily email devotion, which I try to read every morning before I get out of bed. I also have a devotion I try to read while I’m eating my breakfast.
• Listening to uplifting music helps to lift my mood and attitude. I am choosing to listen to Christian music for part of every day.
• I am making an effort to study the Bible more intentionally.

I recently read something by John MacArthur about how to get to know the Bible better. He suggested reading the same several chapters of Scripture every day for 30 days. I have been trying to put this into practice, although I honestly don’t do it every day. But, I started with the book of James, and I do know it better than I did before.

• Writing out Scripture helps me to commit it to memory. I don’t necessarily memorize everything, but I am more familiar with the material when I write it out.
• Memorizing Scripture is one area where I need to place more focus. There’s just SO MANY excellent verses that I don’t know where to start! Sometimes I sabotage myself this way!

I know that these don’t seem like big shifts. But I have felt lost for SO LONG, that at least it is a couple of steps in the right direction. And I believe that God honors obedience, even on what seems to me to be such a small level. I pray that my relationship with Him continues to grow, and I believe that it will as I continue to pursue His kingdom… “all these things will be added to you.”

How do you get “back on track” when you lose your way? I’d love to hear from you!